The Legend Of Cuddy Bell & Nanny Ogle (Mitford) by James Service 1834.

 

In days of yore, before the birth of order,

When rapine was the warden of the border;

When will was law, --- craft, wisdom, --- and strength,

                        right, ---

And the best plea for doing wrong was might!

Those good old times the poets love to paint,

When whip-cord and cold water made a saint,

And turbulence a hero; when the maid

Stabbed her betrayer - if she was betrayed.

Or, if the gentle suitor begged her love,

She sent him to the wars his faith to prove;

When all the honeyed words the lover spoke

Were far less moving than the heads he broke.

Then if he died, or stayed away too long,

The minstrels told his story in song;

And the fair lady stove her grief to smother

For one true love - by wedding another!

Aye! these were times indeed - when if a fair one

Had twenty lovers, yet she could not spare one,

But set them in a chamber all together,

Or in a yard (according to the weather);

Armed them with spears and cudgels, as the case was,

Mounted or not, as more or less the space was;

And he who in this struggle stood the longest,

Whose head was thickest or whose arm was strongest,

And best his rivals thumped or hacked pell-mell,

From every crown cracked champion bore the bell.

Oh! blessed age! oh! dear lamented times!

When theft and homicide were jokes, not crimes;

When burning peels and towns were acts of merit,

And deep revenge became a lad of spirit;

When every eye saw fairies, ghosts, and devils,

Frisk in the moonbeam in their midnight revels.

When Merley ruled in Morpeth's well kept castle,

And plundered and protected many a vassal,

Of one of them a fearful tale is told,

Which, if you dare to listen, I'll unfold.

He was a youth of grace in form and manners,

High Cuddy Bell - or Cuddy of the Stanners,

A study, home-spun, true Northumbrian yeoman,

Who neither fear'd the devil nor a foeman;

Scotchmen he drubbed, as drubbed St. George the dragon,

And loved one woman as he loved a flagon, ---

The daughter of the Parish Clerk of Mitford;

I'll sketch her portrait, though she did not sit for't

In person just below the middle size,

With dark brown hair, and black and sparkling eyes;

A pretty nose, ripe lips, and ruby cheeks;

That neatness, which a well turned mind bespeaks,

Graced her plump person - plump? - at least her bodice

Required tight lacing to make Nan a Goddess.

The Ruins of Mitford Church 1832

One night, when fierce December's drifting snow

Whitened the towers above - the ground below,

When the keen blasts alternate roared and howled,

And thro' the hall strange fire bronzed shadows scowled,

There, midst the wardens, while the black jack danced

Merrily round, had Cuddy sat entranced,

And still had sat, nor cared to sleep a wink,

While tales were yet to tell, or draughts to drink.

But churlish duty roused at length his hosts

From cup and jest, and tales of blood and ghosts,

And sent them growling to their several posts.

Then forth must Cuddy, right reluctant, hie,

To brave and tender mercies of the sky;

And then - oh then! - to love and Nanny true,

Towards Mitford's town with timeless steps he drew.

Of blood and ghosts, I say, their tales had been,

Of wild shrieks heard and hideous faces seen!

Of forms from new made graves beheld to rise,

Grim fleshless things that glared with stony eyes!

Of dancing devils, gibbering and grinning

At wights less prone to praying than to sinning;

And elves and spirits that oft, at midnight's hour,

O'er righteous men themselves have fearful power.

No marvel then that Cuddy held his way,

Brimful of horrors, as a rustic may,

And heard a thousand demons in the woods,

And in the Wansbeck's redly rushing floods.

Sore was the conflict, none, methinks, may doubt,

'Twixt ghastly terrors and sublime brown stout.

Newminster Abbey, early 19th Century.

But when our hero reach'd at length the place

Where the Newminster rear'd its hoary face,

What was his joy to find his Nanny wait,

In such a night, his coming at the gate!

He clasped Nanny gently to his breast,

And fiercely kissed, and boorishly carest.

In vain the tempest work'd its furious will,

The raptured lovers kissed and wander'd still,

And reached at length the foot of the dark hill,

On the south bank above the abbey mill;

And just as glared the castle beacon's gleam,

A dread voice thundered from the rushing stream,

And, "Come, Diablo!" it loudly cried,

And Nanny whisked from Cuddy's shuddering side,

And straight the form, so beautiful before,

A demon's horns, and tail, and talons wore! 

Full in his face she laugh'd with fiendish spite,

And would have torn his eyes out if she might;

But on and fast sped Cuddy like the wind,

And left his phantom sweetheart far behind.

"Oh! Mary! mother!" - thus the frighted swain,

Roar'd to the virgin, - "this was kindly parried;

Thank God, I've found her out before we married."

The Blockhouse - A Ballad by Coldstreamer (Harry Graham).

Jocelyn Henry Clive "Harry" Graham (1874 - 1936) was a Lieutenant in the Coldstream Guards, he served in the Second Boer War where he was promoted to Captain. He had already had published two books (Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes, and Little Miss Nobody) before his "Ballads of the Boer War (1902)" from which this verse originates from. He went on to become a journalist and boast a long list of published works.

'Ere am I in a Block'ouse,

Like a 'ornet under a glass;

Nothin' to do but sentry-go,

H'up an' down, an' to an' fro,

Watchin' the trains pass.

'Ere am I in a Block'ouse,

Full fed up with the game;

Stuck 'ere now five months an' more,

Never a 'undred yards from the door,

And h'every day the same!

Smoke? I've smoked myself silly;

And read till I couldn't see;

But I ain't no scholard like some, no fear,

An' the sort o' reading they sends us 'ere

Is a bit too stiff for me.

I misses my daily paper,

An' my 'alf-an'-'alf out 'ere;

You can 'ave my tot o' ration rum

An' my share o' the magazines as come,

For a Star an' pint o' beer.

Last week we'd a sack o' papers,

An' what do you think h'I got?

A copy o' Punch (as I can't abide,

'Cos they 'ides the jokes so far inside

That I misses the blooming lot),

A couple o' Daily Graphics,

Which was good, if they wasn't new,

An' a 'opeless sort of magazine

With the longest words as h'ever I seen,

Called the National Review.

Still I was fairly lucky,

For Dick, -- 'e's our 'eavyweight,

'Ad a dozen copies o' Woman's Chat,

With "Seven ways for to trim a 'at"

An' a "Supplement Fashion Plate!"

Joe got a h'Athenaeum

Which 'e never even tried,

A couple o' numbers of Sporting Tips,

A Weekly Times an' a 'Alfpenny Snips,

And a Bradshaw's Monthly Guide.

Bless you! I ain't no grumbler,

I'm only a-'aving my fun;

I'm only grateful enough, Gawd knows, an' yet

I misses my weekly P'lice Gazette

An' my h'extry special Sun.

'Ere am I in a Block'ouse,

One of thousands more;

Same old dooties, rain or shine,

Watchin' the same old bit of line

For the same old Brother Boer.

'Ere I sweats in the daytime,

'Ere I freezes at night;

Same old game, week in week out,

Same old Kopjes round about,

An' the same wire fence in sight.

H'Always the same old business,

With the same old false alarms;

Some poor h'ignorant volunteer

Fires his gun in a Block'ouse near

An' we 'as to "stand to arms!"

Natives out in the sangers

Blazing away all night;

They knows well what they 'ave in store

If they're caught alive by the friendly Boer

An' they means for to make a fight.

Then there's the blooming "Brethren,"

An' a lively noise they make;

'Ide in a donga out o' sight

Snipin' the sentries 'alf the night,

An' keeping us all awake.

Three A.M. an' the veldt's astir,

An' the cocks begin to crow,

An' I 'arks to the "'onk" o' the Native crane

Till it's time for the morning water train

Or some more o' the sentry go.

H'I'm one o' the "Royal Fed-ups,"

More than earnin' my pay;

This 'ere is a job for the C.I.V.*

H'or the bullionaires o' the P.A.G.*

As is getting five bob a day.

*City of London Imperial Volunteers.

*Prince Alfred's Guard.

Sometimes a local paper

Drops as a train rolls by,

An' I reads of a "Capture of Yeomanry"

Or "More surrenders of D.M.T."*

An' "Give me a 'orse!" sez I.

*District Mounted Troops.

We're h'only regular soldiers

On a blooming bob a day,

But as good as them h'amatoor M.I.*

As well - an' better'n they!

*Mounted Infantry.

For what you h'asks at present

Is more than my shillings worth,

An' it ain't my bloomin' idea at all

O' what Mister Kipling likes to call

The "Gawdliest life h'on earth!"

Give me a 'ard days trekking!

Give me a bit of a scrap!

H'Open veldt an' a bivouac fire

Is 'eaven compared to this cage o' wire,

Where I feels like a rat in a trap.

Lor! but the time goes tejus,

'Owever so 'ard you try

To read the news as is six months old,

To drink biled water as won't get old,

An' wave as the train pass by.

Somebody 'as to do it!

'Tisn't for me to whine;

But it does me good for to 'ave a "grouse"

As I sits in this bloomin' Bee'ive'ouse

A-guarding the Western Line.

Some day, as I don't doubt it,

The end o' the show will come;

Meanwhile we're doin' the best we can,

An' 'ere (thanks be!) comes the ration man,

"Roll up for your tot of rum!"

Skazanie Drakule Voivode, Elfrosin - St Petersburg 1490

An illustration from the original manuscript.

The Russian Dracula manuscript, the "Сказание о Дракуле воеводе" or "The Tale Of Dracula The Voivode" was written in 1490 by the monk Elfrosin, this was transcribed from an earlier text dated around 1486. In this version of Dracula's reign he is seen more as a strict but fair ruler than the psychopathic despot of the German Dracole Waida. The manuscript is now kept in the National Library of Russia in St. Petersburg.

This translation comes from the Romanian "Vlad Tepes: Naratiunile Germane Si Rusesti Asupra Lul" by Ioan Bogdan, published in Bucharest in 1896, the language was a little awkward in places, so I have taken the liberty of amending where I thought appropriate. 

The Story of Dracula.

About The Wallachian Voivode.

There was a Voivode in Wallachia, a Christian by Greek law, with the name Dracula in Latin, and in our Russian language, the devil; and he was evil in his life, like his name.

1. Once some messengers came to him from the Turkish emperor; after they had entered and bowed to him according to their custom, without taking off their hats, he asked them: "why do you behave like this? You came to a great Lord and you subject me to such shame?"

And they responded, "Such, Master, is the custom of our land."

He said to them, "Then I want to strengthen your custom." And he commanded that their caps be nailed to their heads with small metal spikes. And he released them and said, "Go and tell to your master that if he is accustomed to suffer humiliation from you, we are not used to it. And let him not send his custom to other rulers, who do not want to have it, but let him keep it to himself."

2. The emperor, angered by these messengers, went to war against Dracula, taking against him great military power. He (Dracula) gathered all his army that he had near him and he struck them overnight and slaughtered a multitude of Turks; but with such smaller numbers, his forces could not stand up against the Turkish horde, and he retreated from battle.

He (Dracula) began looking at his own men, whoever was wounded in the front he honoured and bestowed gifts and advancement, those wounded in the back were impaled like scoundrels. And when he set out again against the Turk, he said to his army, "who ever thinks of death, let him not go with me, let him stay here." The emperor, hearing this, turned back with great shame, and thus losing many men, he would not go against Dracula.

3. Once the Turkish emperor sent a messenger to give him a tribute. Dracula treated the messenger well and showed him all his possessions, and said to him "I not only want to give the emperor his tribute I want to enter into his service; you can tell the emperor that I will go to him, so that he will give an order over all his country, that neither I nor my people should be harmed; I will come immediately after you."

The emperor, hearing this from his messenger that Dracula wants to come and serve him, rejoiced at this, because he was just at war with the emperors and countries of the east; he quickly sent word through the cities and villages, that wherever Dracula would pass, they should not do him any harm, but everywhere he should be received with honour.

And he, after travelling for five days through the Turkish country, with his army and Turkish wardens, he suddenly turned without warning and began to plunder the cities and villages, and he made many prisoners and slaughtered some of them by sawing in half, impalement, others he had burned, he did not even spare the babies from their mothers breasts.

All the country through which he passed he devastated and many christians, who had been captured and held in Turkish captivity, he returned to his country, and he made much booty; and after he had feasted the Turkish wardens, he let them go, saying; "go and tell the emperor what you saw; as much as I could, I served him; if my service will be of use to him, I will gladly serve him again." The emperor, overcome with shame, did him no harm.

4. Dracula was so feared in his country, for he did not suffer any evil to be done, whether theft, rape or injustice, whoever did these things, did not remain among the living for any length of time. Whether he was a priest, a farmer or a common man; and no matter how rich someone was, he could not escape death.

In a certain place there was a spring of cold and sweet water, and people from many places came to that spring to drink the water. Dracula had made a golden cup, large and beautiful, and placed it near that spring, and all who drank from that golden cup put it back in its place, for fear of punishment no one dared to lay a hand on it as long as he lived.

5. About women. If any woman proved unfaithful to her husband, he ordered them to cut out her shame, and her skin to be tied to a pillar in the middle of the market; he did the same with those who did not protect a girls virginity; he cut off the breasts off widows, and again he impaled them through their vaginas with red hot irons until it came out through their mouths; in this state he them kept them until their flesh fell off them.

6. About messengers. Dracula had such a custom that if a messenger came to him from any place, whether from the emperor, whether from a king or a prince, and did not know how to behave properly and answer his cunning questions, he would put him in a cell, saying to him; 

"I am not the cause of your death, and neither you nor your master have anything to say against me; for if your master knew that you were a stupid and unlearned messenger, and despite this he sent you to me, to a very wise lord, then your master killed you. And if you yourself dared to come, without having learned anything beforehand, then you yourself killed you."

And so for the messengers he would make large stakes, oil, and impale them, and to their masters he would send word of this deed.

7. From the Hungarian King Matthias came to him once a messenger, Leah of noble birth and a strong man. Dracula ordered him to sit with him at the head of a table in the middle of the impaled bodies. Before him was a stake, large, thick and tall, he asked the messenger: "Tell me, why did I make a stake like this?"

The messenger with great fear answered: "Master, my opinion is this, some powerful man will have sinned before you and you want to give him a more honourable death than the others."

Dracula then said to him, "you have spoken rightly, you are the great messenger of the great Lord, this stake is made for you." And he answered saying, "If I have done anything worthy of death, do what you will with me, master. You are a just judge, and not you, but I myself have caused my death."

Dracula then smiled and said, "If you had not answered me thus, you would have ended up on this very stake." And with much honour and gifts he sent the messenger on his way, saying, "You may go without fear with my message, others should not dare to come until they first learn how to speak to their betters."

8. Once Dracula was feasting under the bodies of a forest of dead people, whom those around him he had had impaled. He ordered that, whenever and wherever an evoy came to him, the envoy had to sit there with his back to the table and fulfill his mission, and he would sit in the middle of the impaled. A servant of his was sitting before him and, unable to bear that stench, he wrinkled his nose and turned his head to one side. Dracula asked him: "why do you do that?"

"Master, I cannot bear this stench." Dracula then immediately ordered him to be impaled and said to him, "You are up there where the stench will not reach you."

9. Once he gave orders throughout his country, saying: "Whoever is old or sick with something or lame, blind, or whatever disease he is afflicted with, let everyone come to me, so that I may make them all happy." And all the helpless, the poor without number gathered to him, expecting from him who knows what great mercy. And he built a large house and gathered everyone there and he gave orders to give them good food and drink. 

After they had eaten and were merry, Dracula came to them and said, "What do you want from me?" They all answered him, "Master, do as God advises your Majesty." He then said to them, "If you wish, I will make you happy on this earth, and you will lack nothing." And they, expecting much from him, all answered, "We will, master."

Then he ordered the house closed up and then set on fire, and to the boyars he said, "Do you know why I did this? It was in order that it may not fall on the heads of other people to be robbed by beggers, and that no one in the country be poor, but that everyone may be rich. Second, I have freed myself, so that no one in this world may suffer from poverty or illness."

10. Once two Latin monks came to him from the Hungarian country for alms; he ordered them to be separated from each other and called one to him and showed him around the courtyard, an innumerable crowd of people impaled on stakes, then Dracula asked him, "Is what I am doing correct in the eyes of God?"

The monk answered him, "No, master, you are doing evil by torturing and killing without mercy. Masters should be merciful men, and all who are on stakes have died a martyr's death." 

Then calling the other monk, he asked him the same question, and he answering said, "You, master, are appointed by God to punish with death those who do evil and to reward with mercy those who do good, these people have done evil and have received their reward according to their deeds."

Dracula then called the first monk and said to him, "Why are you leaving your monastery and your cell to go to the great rulers, knowing nothing? But since you yourself said that they are martyrs, I want to make you a martyr too." And he ordered him to be impaled. 

The other one he ordered to give him 50 gold pieces, saying to him, "You are a wise man," and he also ordered him to be released with honour and to be taken by cart to the Hungarian land.

11. Once a merchant from the Hungarian country came to the city and, leaving his cart, according to the king's order, in the street in front of the palace, and putting his goods in the cart, he went to sleep in the palace. When someone passed by the cart, he took 160 gold pieces from a bag.

The merchant went to Dracula and told him about the loss of the gold. Dracula answered him, "Go, tonight we will find the gold." And he ordered all the people in the city to search for the thief, because if they did not find the thief, the whole city would be destroyed; and he ordered all the money to be put in the cart overnight, with one more gold piece.

The merchant, getting up in the morning, found the gold and counted it twice, counted it three times and found one more gold piece. Then he went to Dracula and said to him, "Master, I have found the gold, but with one more gold piece."

Then he brought out the thief with all the gold to show him, and said to the merchant, "Go in peace, if you had not confessed to me the extra gold piece, I would have ordered my men to put you with this thief on stakes."

12. Once, walking along the road, he saw a poor man wearing an unwashed and torn shirt, and Dracula asked him, "Do you have a wife?" He replied, "I have one, master." Dracula then said to him, "Take me to your house." And going and seeing that his wife was young and healthy, he asked the man, "Have you sown flax?" He replied, "Master, I have plenty," and showed him the flax. 

Then Dracula said to the woman, "Why are you lazy towards your husband? Your husband has to sow, plough and feed you, as such you should make clean and worthy clothes for your husband, but you do not even want to wash his shirt, although you are healthy in body; you are to blame, not your husband." And he ordered her hands to be cut off, and her body to be impaled.

13. He had craftsmen make him iron boxes, he put his gold in them and buried them in a secret place, then he killed the craftsmen, so that no one would know what he had done, he was truly a devil.

14. Once the Hungarian King set out with an army against Dracula; he went against the King and they met and fought, and they captured Dracula alive, for he was handed over by his

own people, who had rebelled against him. He was brought before the King, who ordered him to be thrown into the dungeon of Vysegorod (1), four miles upstream from Buda, on the Danube.

He kept him there for 12 years, and then in the Wallachian country he put in another voivode. While he was in the dungeon, he did not leave his bad habits there either, but catching mice

and buying birds from the market, he tortured the mice by impaling them, and the birds by cutting their necks and letting them go with their feathers plucked out. And in the dungeon he learned to sew and with this craft he made a living.

15. Finally, King Matthias took him out of prison and brought him to Buda and gave him a house in Pest, opposite Buda. He had not yet been to the King, and it happened that a criminal escaped and entered Dracula's house; the one who chased him found him there, but Dracula, taking his sword, jumped out and cut off the head of the guard who was holding the thief. He then let the thief go; the others fled and came to the King to tell him what had happened.

The King sent for him to ask why he had done this, and he answered thus, "I have done no wrong, he only killed himself, entering like a robber into the house of a great lord; if that guard had come to me and I had found the thief in the house I would have given him to the guard and the guard would have escaped death." The King and all his people began to laugh heartily at this.

16. When the voivode of the Wallachian country died, the King sent for Dracula to come to the palace, to tell him that if he wanted to be voivode in the Wallachian country, as before, then he should accept the Latin law; and if not, he would die in prison. 

Dracula then loved the temporal things more than the eternal things, he renounced Orthodoxy and moved away from the truth, he left the light and accepted darkness. The wretched man could not bear the hardships of being a prisoner, and he prepared for himself endless

torment, the wicked one, for he abandoned the Christian, Greek and Orthodox law, and accepted Latin paganism. 

And the King gave him not only the rule of the country of Wallachia, but also his good sister as a wife, with whom he had two sons, living with her for about 10 years and dying in pagan law.

17. The end of Dracula was thus: while he was living in the country of Wallachia, Turks came upon that country and began to plunder and take prisoners. He struck them and the Turks began to flee, and Dracula's army cut them down without mercy, Dracula then climbed a hill, for joy to see how they cut down the Turks. Then a group of men from his army, believing him to be a Turk, rushed upon him and one struck him with a spear; he, seeing that he was attacked by his own, struck five of his murderers to death, but they pierced him with many spears until they killed him.

18. The King took his sister and her two sons back to the Hungarian land at Buda; one lives near the King, another was with the bishop of Bor-don (2) and died not long ago; the third, the eldest, named Michael, I saw also in Buda; he had fled from the Turkish emperor to the King, still unmarried, the King gave him a girl as a wife.

And Stefan, the voivode of Moldavia, with the King's will, appointed as voivode in the Wallachian country a certain Vlad, the son of a voivode; this voivode Vlad had been alone as a small child, then a priest and abbot in a monastery, he ascended to the throne of the Wallachian country; he married and lived a short time, for Stefan killed him and took his wife, and now another Vlad, a hermit, reigns in the Wallachia country.

An illustration from the original manuscript.

(1) Russian form for Vysegrad, Visegrad.

(2) This is what it says in the Russian original. This is probably the city of Vidin, which in contemporary Hungarian documents was called Bodon, there was also a Catholic bishop there.

On the original manuscript the page after the Tales of Dracula someone has written on the parchment in German. It is written in Early Modern German (or Early New High German) which dates between 1350 to 1650, so it could easily have been written soon after the manuscript was completed in 1490.

This curiosity, that I have not seen translated or even mentioned before, translates thus;

"It came out of Wallachia

thus rode into the land of the Turks.

The Turks came to disgrace

and were slain

and marched against

Dracula of Wallachia."

Mary: A Fragment - from Gothic Stories, published anonymously in 1800.

The castle clock struck one; the night was dark, drear, and tempestuous. Henry set in an antique chamber of it, over a wood fire, which, in the stupor of contemplation, he had suffered to decrease into a few half lifless embers; on the table by him lay the portrait of Mary; the features of which were not very perfectly disclosed by the taper that just glimmered in the socket.

He took up the portrait, however, and gazed intensely upon it, till the taper, suddenly burned brighter, discovered to him a phenomenon, he was no less terrified than surprised at. The eyes of the portrait moved; the feature, from an angelic smile, changed to a look of solemn sadness; a tear stole down each cheek, and the bosom palpitated as with sighing.

Again the clock struck one - it had struck the same hour ten minutes before. Henry heard the castle gate grate on its hinges - it slammed to - the clock struck one again; and a deadly groan echoed through the castle. Henry was not subject to superstitious fears, neither was he a coward; yet a hero of romance might have been justified in a case like this, should he have betrayed fear.

Henry's heart sunk within him; his knees smote together, and, upon the chamber door being opened, and his name uttered in a hollow voice, he dropped the portrait to the floor; and sat, as if riveted to the chair, without daring to lift up his eyes, when - my blood freezes to relate it - before him stood the figure of Mary in a shroud; her beamless eye fixed upon him with a vacant stare; and her bare bosom exposing a most deadly gash.

"Henry! Henry! Henry!" she repeated in a hollow tone - "Henry! I am come for thee! Thou hast often said that death with me was preferable to life without me; come, then, and enjoy all the ecstasies of love these ghastly features, added to the contemplation of a charnel house, can inspire; then, grasping his hand with her icy fingers, he swooned; and instantly found himself stretched on the hearth of his master's kitchen; a romance in his hand, and the house dog at his side, whose cold nose touching his hand, had awakened him.

Devil Worship, Dope, and a West End Flat - A Weekly Dispatch Report from 1939.

The author John Worby on his wedding day.

This is the second installment of John Worby's "British Gangsters" article in The Weekly Dispatch published in 1939.

West End.

In Frith Street, Soho, I met Gladys, a girl I had known in Manchester. "Hullo Bert," she said, using the name she had known me by, "Since I last saw you I've learned a lot, and I've not forgotten what you said that night in Corporation Street, remember?"

"No," I replied "I meet so many people in my travels, I can't remember what I said to all of them."

"Well," she said, "I remember all too well. And if you hadn't stopped me I'd still be on the streets, Anyway, you don't look so bad."

I thought she might be in on something so I said "I've got about two shillings to see me through into another racket."

"Alright, but I'm not on my own, but if you want I can give you a good tip, be here at six o'clock tonight." With that she gave me a slip of paper with an address on it. I had a lot of time to kill so I walked around town wondering what sort of racket she was into. At six o'clock I was outside the address Gladys had given me, a nice little place in Shaftesbury Avenue.

I knocked and a head popped out of a window and a key was thrown down. I opened the door and there was a girl I'd never seen before asking me in.

Luxury Flat.

As the door closed behind me Gladys came in and greeted me. Talking to her friend - her name was Dippy, and she came from Newcastle - she said "This is the bloke I was telling you about, he once did me a good turn." She sat down in a nice easy chair, taking a cigarette she offered one, before I had lighted it, Dippy said "I'm off now, Glad, see you in the morning."

Gladys went to get a drink ready, and I took a look round. I saw real luxury for the first time in quite a while. "Swell joint you got here, Glad." "You ain't seen nothing yet." she said, "Here, have a drink, and I'll show you round."

Holding up my glass of whisky I said "Well, here's health girl." I drained my glass in two gulps, I shuddered, pulled a face, and felt the tingling warmth.

"What's up, Bert, don't you like whisky?" "Yes, but not as strong as that. I drink for effect, not for the taste."

"You'll get some effect all right, but only if you stop here long."

"Is that an invitation?"

"Sure," she said, "What do you think I've asked you here for?" First we went to her bedroom. It was beautifully furnished with two walnut twin beds. The wardrobe and the dressing table were also of walnut. The carpet was a thick pile. There was a telephone between the beds. The whole colour scheme was of ivory and gold.

We then went into the bathroom, where everything was also ivory and gold, with the walls of green tiles and mirrors hanging on them. The dining room was laid out in the same lavish fashion. The walls in every room were panelled with mirrors, so that the light was reflected from every corner. I learnt later that the whole place had cost Gladys £800 to do up this way.

My Advice.

"You've got me beat," I said.

"You'll soon see that you were the first to put this idea into my head."

We sat down in the room I had first come into, and Gladys told me how she had got on since that night in Manchester. When I had seen her then she had run away from home owing to some trouble, and was down and out. She tapped me for a cigarette. I could tell from her manner that she was fresh from home.

I only had a few bob on me, but I gave her what I could. And I advised her to "cheat" any men who were ready to take advantage of her lack of money. On coming to London she had met Dippy in Hyde Park, and after a few days they had decided to work together.

"Perhaps you think I've got this on tick, Bert, or I'm an old man's darling. If you do you'll soon see. You can stop here for as long as you like, but don't get me wrong."

"Glad, thanks for the break. I won't let you down."

That night Gladys and I drank a good deal of whisky and talked of her exploits, although well lit, she still looked composed and confident. As I looked across the room I saw a slight slim girl of about 23, with blond hair and blue eyes in a pale oval face. He eyes were sparkling with the effects of the drink, and she showed perfect white teeth between very red lips. I valued the jewellery she was wearing at about £300.

Boy Friend.

Just then the telephone bell rang. After answering it, Gladys came back and said, "It was only a friend who wanted me to go out with him tonight. He's got plenty of dough, but I keep him hoping; it does him good."

By this time it was getting late, so I took the opportunity of having a bath, and then went to bed. I lay down on a bed fit for a king, and wondered to myself how everything would turn out. I still intended to get a job, but first of all I wanted to see a bit of this racket.

While I was lying there thinking, Gladys came into the room, pulled a screen round her bed and went behind it. In a few minutes she pushed it back and stood there in a pair of silk pyjamas. She pattered about the room for a bit and then got into her bed.

When I awoke it was just getting daylight. I lay wondering what to do next, Gladys woke up at about ten o'clock. After breakfast she gave me ten bob to buy food for the day. With that I left, telling her I'd be back at the flat at six o'clock.

"Snide" Work.

I knew a spiv in Compton Street, and I made my first call there. We talked for some time, and then he asked me if I wanted to make a bit of easy dough. "Sure, I'm game for anything," I replied. 

A Spiv in action.

"Well, if you can change these before one o'clock, I'll see what can be done about it." As he spoke he gave me four snides (counterfeit half crowns). I left George and went on to a cafe. Here I met another fellow. "How's this?" I said, and I passed him a snide.

"My God, that's a good take! I'll give you a chip (shilling) for it and any more you can get hold of." At one o'clock I went to the address George had given me. He asked me in.

"Well, the baby's all right with me," I said. "A chip a time and as many as you can get hold of." He opened an oven and took out a tray of snide. He took off the lid of the press, and very carefully prised open the plaster. I saw two dozen snide of the best make. The dies were perfect, and the coins rang fairly true after they had been cooled and hardened in a mixture of George's own manufacture.

"Ok," I said, "I'll start graft with you in the morning."

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When I got back to the flat Gladys said, "Listen, Bonzo, I've got a job for you tonight. Meet me outside Boots Piccadilly, at eight." At eight I was on the spot at Boots. I hadn't been there many minutes when a taxi pulled up and Gladys got out.

As she brushed past me I felt a little jolt in my jacket pocket. I watched her go into the chemist's and then I went back to the flat. There I looked in my pocket, and found a wallet. In it were photographs, theatre tickets, stamps and also £28 10s.

I waited on pins and needles for Gladys to get back. The temptation to quit with the money got stronger every minute, but I made myself wait. At last I heard a taxi stop. An elderly man was just coming in at the door, I went quickly into the bathroom and shut the door. I heard them come in.

"What a nice place this is, Toots," the man said.

"Not bad is it? Sit down while I get you a drink."

In a few minutes Gladys came to the bathroom and whispered to me to creep outside and telephone her. I went out quietly to a call box and phoned Gladys. She told me to call in and see her. When I arrived back at the flat Gladys introduced me as a private detective. I then heard the story.

It appeared that Gladys had met Mr X when he was with another girl she had never seen before, Gladys was annoyed and had some words with the girl. During the struggle Mr X tried to separate them. The other girl then ran away and left Gladys with Mr X. Gladys was exhausted after the fight, and so they got into a taxi and went to Boots, where Gladys had a tonic.

From there they went to a cafe, and then Mr X found his wallet gone. He knew that Toots wouldn't do such a thing, and knew it must have been the other girl. He described her to me, and I knew at once it had to be Dippy.

Acting The Part.

I smiled to myself at the clever way these girls were working. Gladys gave me a few more details, from which I took my cue. I told Mr X that I would certainly find the girl, but pointed out there would be little chance of getting the money back without prosecution.

Mr X seemed reluctant to do this, but Gladys said it was the only way to stop honest men from being robbed by such trash as these. I left them then, having made arrangements to report to Gladys. I hung around for an hour or so and then rang up Gladys, who said it was ok. So I made my way up back to the flat.

Gladys told me Mr X had decided that he would rather let the matter drop than face any unpleasant publicity. She had lent the old boy a fiver and was going to get it back tomorrow. I was given £8 as my share.

*********************************************************************

Next day when I went round George gave me 50 half crowns, and I realised that he wasn't the only one in the game, and that the mint I had seen was only a blind for suckers like me. After haggling, he agreed to pay me £1 a day if I got rid of the 50s worth a day. After seeing Rickets, who gave me the price of them, I went back to the flat.

*********************************************************************

Gladys had just come in. She had a nice diamond ring on her finger. "Done it again?" I said. "Yeah. Mr X gave it to me, and sent you £5 for your trouble." While I was sitting down having a drink, Gladys said to me "Bonzo, I'm afraid the game is up."

I was surprised, and asked her why. "Dippy's going home, she's packed the job in. The silly girl wasn't satisfied with getting rocks (diamonds) and bracelets and things every day, and plenty of dough. I can't work at this game on my own, she was always the mug finder and I was the one who got the spoils."

I gave Gladys a double Scotch. One drink led to another, and by six o'clock she was talking some. "Listen, Bonzo," she said. "Lets you and me work together and make this dive a club."

"Sure, I'm game, but where's the dough?"

"Oh, I've got that," and she showed me a bank pass book with a sum in four figures. "And that ain't all. If I get rid of these rocks that'll be enough won't it?" As she spoke she unlocked a little desk and brought out a small box full of diamonds and precious stones of all sizes.

Year's Spoils.

Then she got another box containing rings, brooches, tie pins, watches, cigarette cases, and lighters - in fact, every kind of jewellery. "How the devil did you get all that?" I asked. "That's a year's work," she said. She told me more of her exploits, which were so amazing I could write a book about her alone.

While she never sold herself, the men she met were always her payroll. The rings and presents she got from them she saved, and what Dippy stole from them they shared. We talked for hours about the club plan, and before I knew what was happening I found myself kissing her and telling her that if she wanted me for a partner I was hers.

That night we had the time of our lives. We went to several clubs, and at last to one known as "The Devil Worshippers," an astonishing place. It was a large house in ------. When Gladys had given the password to the man on the door in curses, he in his turn cursed us into the house.

We went into one large room, where there were ten or twelve well dressed men and women. Across the back of the room I saw a large black velvet curtain, and painted on it in red and white was the most horrible picture of the devil. In the centre of the room was an alter with a cross.

We had not been in the room more than a few minutes when all the people there started to make queer animal noises in their throats. Then two or three men dressed as priests and clergy entered the room, followed by about six quite young girls dressed purely in white.

The procession solemnly filed along the centre of the room. I looked round and there was not a smile on any face. Then they all started to chant. It was so strange a sound it made my flesh creep. The people stood staring at the procession and as it drew level with them they fell with their faces to the floor, still making the same noises.

When the procession reached the altar in the middle of the room the priests and the six girls bowed to the cross. As they approached the black curtain at the end of the room it was drawn open. There stood a magnificent altar, draped in silks and velvets. On it were crosses, Bibles, chalices, and flowers in profusion. As the procession knelt in front of it I could hear a harmonium softly playing.

As the priest rose the lights changed to red, swathing the whole room in a red glow. At this signal the Lord's Prayer was said backwards, with curses, and a scene of sudden confusion followed. The cross in the centre of the room fell over and broke. The priests blasphemed, and seizing the Bibles, tore them to bits; the crosses were broken, and the trappings pulled from the altar.

By this time the people were worked into a frenzy. The priests threw off their robes, the girls had their white robes torn off them, and such a bestial orgy followed that I could not possibly describe here.

Screeching Mob.

While I watched this happening the smell of burning incense began to stupify my brain, and I felt that I should faint. I fought against this, but Gladys saw my distress and took me into a smaller room, where the air was purer. Here was a table loaded with food, but there was no cutlery on the table, nor plates of any sort.

In a few minutes a yelling screeching mob of men and women in a wild state of disorder surged into the room. They grabbed at the food, pulling and tearing at it in their fingers, and making noises like animals.

At last we got away from this place. I had seen everything and far more than I wanted to. My head was in a whirl. I wondered how on earth people came to do these things. "If you get bread and butter from such places it doesn't do to have qualms," said Gladys. Then she pulled out a jewelled clasp. She had found it on the floor during the orgy.

"That's worth a visit, ain't it bert?"

Few people taught me more about the West End underworld than Gladys. One of her favorite tricks was to get a man drunk and then take his wallet, cufflinks, watch, rings, and cigarette case. Many times she came very near to being arrested. She would have been if it hadn't been that I answered the door and swore that it must have been a mistake, as I was the only person living there.

By this time she was well known in almost every night club in the West End; and the most select ones barred her.

Jimmy The Rat.

Occasionally the influence of a well heeled toff would get her into one, and then she nearly always managed to bring home the bacon. Soon Gladys sold all her possessions and started a night club of her own in Soho, the premises consisted of five rooms and a basement.

In a few weeks we were quite popular, and all would have gone well had Gladys stopped letting off rooms to girls, dancing and drink. But, she became very friendly with Jimmy the Rat. There was no crime which he hadn't committed and would commit again.

He was five feet eight inches high, with slim hips, but his shoulders were so square it looked as though the coat hanger had been left in the jacket. He had a broad flat nose on a thin pinched face, and when he spoke to you his beady eyes would roam around everywhere but at your face. Although his black hair was greased flat to his skull, the grease could not hide the kink which showed the Jamaican in him.

One night when Jimmy the Rat was talking to her, Gladys asked me to go along with him and fetch back a parcel. This I did, giving it to Gladys when I got back to the club. When she opened it she said, "Well, Bonzo, there's big dough in this. Take a sniff?" and she offered me a box of white powder. We both took a sniff; but I swore I'd never take another, and I never have.

"Easy dough, eh?"

"Yeah," I replied. "And plenty of time staring at us in the face too!"

Soon after this I noticed that the girls were hiring the rooms to dope the mugs they caught - and Gladys was selling them the dope for the trick. They always gave Gladys a pound or two when they led their dazed men out into the street. Sometimes it was my job to go and help with a fellow who'd had too much of it.

When this happened a special taxi was called, and the driver well paid to dump his fare in the Mall or some quiet side street. The profits grew so large that Gladys fired the band and turned the place into a plain dope den and place where the girls could bring their men victims. The large basement room was divided into cubicles, and there the dope addicts soaked themselves.

At last Gladys got into the white slave racket. She made a contract with a South American for a constant supply of white girls. She would send out a woman to accost girls in lodgings and hostels. These were engaged as maids in Gladys's flat.

Police Raid.

After a week or two Gladys would tell the girl she knew a wealthy couple, old and sometimes crippled, very fond of travelling, who wanted a girl like her. An appointment would be made, and the girl would be engaged by the couple.  She was told to meet them in South America, and all her expenses were paid.

At last I found I couldn't stand this racket no longer, and pretending I was jealous of Jimmy the Rat, I cleared out. I left this racket just in time, as the place was raided soon after. Gladys had been tipped off, and was therefore prepared, so she and Jimmy the Rat got away in time.

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Later I found myself once more, broke. One morning in Trafalgar Square I got talking to a waiter. He told me he knew of a hotel where they wanted stewards. "You'll get a pound a week, and a few tips," he said, "and they'll give you your board, but you've got to find your own clobber."

I went to see the manager, got the job, and was told to start the next day. But I was faced with the problem of finding the necessary clothes. I left the place and walked down the road thinking out my problem. As luck would have it, I came across a little old man pushing a barrow laden with all sorts of rubbish. Among it was an old dress suit. It was soon in my posession.

********************************************************************

Next morning at five I walked into the bunkhouse, where five stewards were still sleeping. I sat on the edge of the empty bunk. It was not long before a chef came in and started to shout. Four of the stewards woke up immediately and sat up stretching. One did not and the chef seized hold of his bed and tipped him out onto the floor. The chef then spotted me.

"I'm the new steward," I said.

"You're number three floor," he said. "You've eighteen trays to set up for early morning tea. Look alive now, because it'll soon be ready

"Righto chef," I said sarcastically, thinking my job wouldn't last a week under a boss like that. As the chef left the bunkhouse the other stewards were clambering into their clothes. "You've got a good floor," said one, "I wish I had it."

Black Sheep.

This young steward, whose name was Gibb, as I soon learned, took an immediate fancy to me. He was very tall and about twenty four years old. He was apparently the black sheep of the lot, for while the others rushed and hurried to get ready he merely sat up on the floor where he had been tipped by the chef and carried on his conversation.

"What do I have to do?" I asked, "I got the job yesterday, but I didn't have any clobber. I tapped this suit of a tatter last night."

"Don't worry. You won't have to use that until tonight. Here, put this on," and he chucked me a white coat and black bow tie. We walked to the kitchen together. I was careful to do exactly as he did. When he put up his hand for a tray I put mine up too. When he covered his tray with a serviette I covered mine with a serviette; when he got his teapot I got mine, and filled it from the same tap.

When I got my tray set I wondered who on my floor wanted early morning tea. I asked Gibby and he said, "No one on your floor takes early morning tea. That's why yours is such a good floor. You can sleep in another half hour. You can help with mine this morning. It'll help to break you in."

And so for the next hour I busied myself on Gibby's floor, right on top of the building. "Take the tray you've got there into No. 22, Miss So and so. Here y'are, here's the pass key. She'll probably be lying on the bed with half the clothes off."

True to Gibby's expectations, when I opened the door and approached the bed, there lying on the divan bed, her head nicely cushioned on a pillow, with her arms flung sideways, and the bedclothes flung back, was the young lady. I placed the tray on the stool at her side and said, "Your tea, miss."

She must have been awake for some time, as she opened her eyes without hesitation or the least sign of drowsiness, and smiled, saying, "Oh, thanks so much steward. You'll find 6d on the dressing table for you."

Five Predecessors.

"Thanks madam," I said. As I moved over to the dressing table she got out of bed to show me where it was. Then she suddenly remembered that she hadn't left it there at all, and padded across the room to take it out of her purse, standing in front of the door as she gave it to me. I thanked her and bowed my way out.

I met Gibby on the landing and gave him his 6d, which he refused, saying, "You keep it, kid." After our own breakfast I climbed the stairs to my own floor with my first tray, opened a door, and entered. I saw lying in the bed an elderly man, who said, "Good morning. What, another new steward? That's five on this floor since I've been here."

The next breakfast was for Miss Blonde, who, lying in bed awake with just a sheet over her, showed a slim figure about six feet long. Again I got the greeting, "What, another steward!" It took me a good hour to finish my floor. In this time I had taken twelve trays.

That night the time came when I was to expose my shortage of clothes, and although Gibby had expected almost anything of my dressing, he never expected the sight I presented when I tried on my suit. It fitted me perfectly where it touched, but it touched in very few places. It must have been made for a fat man at least six foot tall.

With the help of a pair of manicure scissors I gaily snipped away at the bottoms of the trouser legs until I had reduced them to a suitable length. Here Gibby came to my assistance, and grabbing the trousers at the waist, he gave them a tug until they looked like a fit. Then he pinned the spare cloth at the back of the trousers over in a six inch pleat, fastened it with three safety pins.

The matter of the shirt was much more difficult, as Gibby had sent his shirts to the laundry with the exception of the one he had to wear. Then he had a brainwave. Racing upstairs to the dining room, he came down with a handful of menu cards. Two he fitted with studs and tied round my chest to represent a shirt front, and a third at the back on which to fix the collar.

Cuts And Pins.

Cuffs he made by creasing a menu card and bending it round my wrist, securing it to my shirt sleeve with pins. He cut a collar out of another menu card and this, with the black bow tie he had lent me, looked quite effective.

I cleaned my shoes, and then came the job of making the waistcoat and coat fit me. The waistcoat wasn't so bad, as Gibby had treated it in the same manner as he had the trousers. The coat fitted me at the shoulders, but the tips of my fingers could only just be seen below the sleeves. However, with the help of the faithful scissors and a few more pins, we soon overcame this difficulty.

With all these gadgets of string and pins I was afraid to bend. Even the sergeant major in my army days could not have made me walk more erect than I did when carrying in my first plate of soup, with a towel gingerly tucked over my arm to cover up my cuff.

As I walked down the dining room between four long rows of dining tables, each one for the guests of a floor. I felt very self conscious, I swerved five without mishap. It was when I was taking out a pile of plates that I overreached myself, and a safety pin unsprung with a snap at the back of my trousers. I felt a sharp stab in my rear. It soon straightened me out, and I walked majestically out of the room, keeping my back as far away as I could from the pin.

With each step I could feel a nasty prick, and I nearly strained by belly with my efforts. I had almost reached the door of the dining room when I tripped in this acrobatic act, and the plates went crashing to the floor. Instinctively I bent down to repair the damage, and again I suddenly straightened up as the pin jabbed in.

Trimmings Burst.

Suddenly the menu cards burst from their moorings. I could have cried with fury. Gibby, however, came to my assistance, and he cleared up the mess while I dashed out into the bunkhouse. I thought my job was lost, and anyway I was too ashamed to go back, thinking that everyone in the room had seen my discomfiture.

I was waiting for the chef to come in and fire me on the spot, when Gibby came in and said, "Don't worry about it, nobody noticed. Why don't you take a risk and borrow a shirt from Mr X's room on your floor? He won't miss it."

It struck me as a good idea, and I dashed upstairs and borrowed the required shirt and collar, taking a pair of shoes at the same time. The shoes, however, didn't fit, so I returned them later. The shirt, when I tried it on, was half a size too small, but I managed to make it fit, despite the danger of strangulation. As I looked at myself in the mirror I was getting redder and redder, and streams of perspiration ran down my face.

It was a great relief when, after dinner was over, I took it off. I dreaded dinner time the next day when I would again have to go through the same procedure.

"Borrowed" Suit.

However, the following day I was very lucky, as a man on Gibby's floor was going away for a few days and had left his dress suit behind. It was almost a perfect fit and after going through the wardrobes of several gentlemen guests whose clothes fitted me, I borrowed shirts, collars, and shoes. The only twinge of conscience I had was when I served a man wearing his own shirt.

Perhaps I should have taken a lesson from this, as two days later the man who's suit I had borrowed showed up for dinner. I was unnerved when I saw him and Gibby talking hotly. I guessed that he was asking Gibby where his suit had gone.

But Gibby was never at a loss for an excuse, and explained that he had sent it to the cleaners as he had discovered a stain on the lapel. I was never so amused in my life as when Gibby, later in the evening, told me that the man had dropped him a crown for being so thoughtful.

Anyway, in three or four days I had collected enough in tips to pay for alterations to my dress suit, and it was quite a relief to get back into my own clothes again. 

We brushed and ironed the borrowed suit and Gibby found a cleaner's box in which we returned it. Before taking it back, he marked on the box in blue pencil, "Paid 4s 6d." Out of this, which he collected later, he paid me half a crown.